Part II of Space Parasites! Stop Letting them control you
In a pervious post we looked at space parasites, and how you become infected by the actions of others. Sadly we are all infected with these horrible “knee-jerk” reactions. Luckily we can change, we can grow, we can evolve past them.
If you find your life is being controlled by your emotions (self-pity, self-isolation, self-destructions. Creating scenarios that no one can win) then you are listening to these parasites.
First step! Recognize when your thoughts are parasites. If every reaction you have come with a lot of emotion or no emotion– that is a parasite. I would pendulum swing from “it’s never my fault” to “it’s always my fault”. This is due to parasites. Know that in every interaction you have whether good or not, it is partially your fault. Look for the middle road. How you say things is your choice. The truth can be dressed up to be wholly hurtful or amazingly uplifting. I once had someone tell me: “You just told me to get off my ass and get to work, and I not only agreed with you but I was happy about it.” I did it with enough questions that she realized she was in the way of herself, not the problem her parasites were focused on.
Second step! Follow that parasite to when it first appeared in your thoughts. Some are super easy and some other people will have to point them out. (If you haven’t guess so far, therapists are a great thing. We advocate everyone seeing a mental health professional! Seriously!!) I know my self worth comes from my parents’ lack of self worth. At no point is it their fault they just transferred their STD to me and I created the repeating parasite in my head. Some of the time I am not able to pinpoint one moment in time when that started. When that is the case I usually mark that thought as not mine in my head and when it reappears I don’t act on. No knee-jerk reaction. This takes time to be able to do in your head. But once you complete the steps with one parasite it will be easier the next time. (Intentionality in your actions and reactions y’all) Sometimes this step requires a lot of therapy to disentangle from your core person. Especially if it’s wrapped in trauma. You would not go through life with syphilis without going to the doctor. Don’t do the same with trauma. It is the STD of the brain and not something to just be dealt with on your own!!
Third step! Figure out the lessons that you learned. For example with the blue eyeshadow incident I learned that makeup was bad. If you were a good girl you shouldn’t wear it. (yeah my teenage years were filled with judgement based on that) This is not the lesson I should have learned. But it is the parasite I took with me.
Fourth step! Figure out the lesson that was presented to you. What were you supposed to take away from that experience? The lesson that I should have taken away was to stand by my convictions. I had permission to wear the eyeshadow. I had help putting it on. There was no reason I should have let her change my mind about it. Her parasite did not need to be mine.
Fifth step! Change your actions. Now when faced with a moment of change to fit someone else’s idea I stop and double check with myself. Is this something I want or need. Am I conforming because I need to or because someone else wants me to. Am I being authentic to me? If the answer is no then don’t. At first it will be difficult. The parasites use guilt to get you to conform. Just like many of the authorities we have had in our life. We use guilt as a way of making people do things they don’t want to do. Whether it is with good intentions or not this is not how we help one another.
Repeat this cycle for as many times as necessary. There is no right or wrong. Move the steps around to fit your thought process.