When working with finding self love there are many how-to’s. This one is a slightly different perspective. If meditating is difficult I venture to guess this following meditation might be something you can hold onto.
Instead of letting all thought go I want to imagine you as a toddler or baby (whichever makes you go awwww) I want you to treat the image of you as if they were the most precious gift in the universe. Love them. Play with them. See them as the innocent part of you just trying to have fun and understand the world. Take walks with them and explain things to them. Meditate on this. Bond with your inner toddler.
Once this is accomplished then have that inner child grow up.Sometimes they grow years, sometimes only age a few months before you lose connection with them. As the inner-child grows, follow them to all the moments you wished to have support. For everyone this will look different at different times. Sometimes it’s a moment when you felt alone, or angry, etc. Let them sneak off with you from whatever situation they are in. Praise them, love them, create with them. Often situations can become a loop in the mind. The version of you that experienced a strong emotion stays in the situation and lives through it in your subconscious. Because a part of your mind is reliving that experience, the emotions don’t lessen, and you interact with your world from the perspective of that child. To truly stop the loop they need to go back to the situation, but as your own ghost in your life you can protect them and forgive them during these meditations that travel through your entire consciousness.
Then if that younger version of you is part of a trauma cycle, use your new connection with them to help them get through. Point out what your older self sees that younger you missed. Explain the situation. Tell them it wasn’t their fault and you forgive them. Tell them that they don’t need to be here any more and you would love it if they could come home, to the present.
This seems real easy but let me tell you of one of my personified emotions that would throw molotov cocktails into my emotions. I was constantly throwing tantrums in my daily life. Nothing was fair. The world was out to get me and I was terribly miserable. I was doing the therapy thing and had gone through so many rounds of grieving that I was over it all. So I started looking at my self worth and self love. I sat down and meditated on this issue. I’m a working meditation type person. I started inspecting my feelings (which I personify for the use of understanding. Once I understand they go back to being a part of me.) asking each one where they were at and if there were problems I was missing. Usually her/my ego kicks up and starts talking shit about how I’m running my life. When this happens I know I need to dig through and pull someone out of hiding.
So I follow the sound of the tantrum in my head. I think it’s gonna be like toddler-me or something like that. Nope I was so far off. It was a young adult version of me that got with my first ex. She was angry, hateful and decided I had ignored her long enough. At first she was so mad she wasn’t making any sense. This is ok. Don’t get frustrated with you. You are the older wiser version. Remember love and compassion is the way through when talking. So we sat and talked and I held her while she cried and I let her scream about the injustice of it all. Sometimes this is where you sit for a couple meditations. Let them learn to trust you again and let you learn to hear them. The eventual goal is to walk them into your inner core and merge in one thought. I have a classroom worth of voices in my head most days. It used to be a cafeteria and heaven forbid they all decided to get angry at once. Just the memory of it still makes me tired. I do check in daily. I may not be able to change the past but I do check in just like I check in with my body. That enables me to heal from it in a deep, sustainable way.